jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
