You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
