i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
