I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
