you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
