would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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