Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
