I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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