yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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