this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
