I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
