Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
