Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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