Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
