New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
