birth control should be required to get into college
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
