I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
