Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
