tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
