My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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