Cold hands, warm shart.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
