Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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