Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
