I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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