the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
organizing the empties. That sober.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
