This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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