38 yer olds are good kisserssss
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You took a bar mat shot.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
