During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
