There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
