she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
