At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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