well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
