Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
