That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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