I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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