He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
