You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
