i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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