Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Be still, my beating vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
