Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
