why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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