How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
