You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
