Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
