I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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