I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
