you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
