Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
