is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
