Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
