I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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